Friday, February 27, 2009

Sometimes the word "SUCKS" is appropriate!

I've spent some time today....remembering.

Remembering a wonderful woman. The MOST fabulous woman I've ever known.

MY MOM!!

Those of you who knew her -- you understand.

Those who never met her -- well, you missed out!

Wow, what a fantastic woman. What an angel from God. A gift from heaven. Truly the best Mom a girl could ask for. She was always so supportive of all four of her daughters. She was proud of who we all had become. And somehow, no matter how hard people might think it is...she found a way to be there for all of us (and Daddy) whenever we needed her - even the times when we didn't realize we needed her.

And I'm remembering today.

Not all happy memories mind you. Like the significance of today.

I can remember it like it was this morning...the day my Dad called. His words cut..."Your Mom's gone..."

I remember falling to the floor screaming, "NO!!" like a heartwrenching scene from a movie. And I don't think I'll ever forget that.

It was three years ago today.

And you know what? It SUCKS! It sucks bad. My daughter, Hailey, and my son, Carter, they didn't get to know her...and that SUCKS! They have no memories of her at all. In fact, Carter never even got to meet her. She doesn't even know I got my boy! And Maddie was only 3 years old. Really, how long will those memories last? And does she really even remember? Or have I planted those memories in her mind?

Anytime something great happens with my kids...a milestone....an accomplishment...or even advice I need to seek...I feel this ache to call her. She would rejoice with me, she would cry with me, she would lift me up. But, I don't have that. And it SUCKS! Sure, I have friends and sisters and my Daddy and my wonderful in-laws...but it's not the same. It's not Mom. A girl needs her mom!

I can't help but think of her every day. Every time I look in a mirror, I see her...and it's SO hard. I can see her in my face and in my mannerisms. I can even hear her in my laugh. I love remembering her, but I don't want to be sad when I do.

So many times I hear older ladies speak of their mothers and a pang of jealousy comes over me. How fair is that?! They are so much older than me and yet they still have their moms. When younger women complain about their moms, it makes me want to scream! I think on the inside, I do a little. And then, I feel horrible knowing that Mom would be so disappointed in me. And that makes me feel sad...and it sucks!

So, yeah...sometimes, the word "SUCKS" is appropriate.

Thank you, my dear friend, for lunch and shopping and a little much needed distraction.

5 comments:

  1. I'm so sorry doesn't begin to cover how hard this must be. The word sucks is definitely appropriate. Nothing can replace your mom. I'm so glad you were blessed with a wonderful mother. Missing her has got to be really tough. You are covered in prayer.

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  2. Diane8:53 PM

    I know this may sound trite (however you spell that) but you shared more joy and love with your mom than some will experience over their lifetime. It is her example that helps you be the wonderful mother that you are.
    P.S. Every time I make chicken, I think of your mom singing "I feel like chicken tonight, like chicken tonight." And I eat a loooot of chicken, so I think of her often too. She was a wonderful lady and a blessing to all.

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  3. JSue-Moms are so special and I know your mom is so proud of you. Look what you have done with your family. You know I love you! Sorry, that I am just now getting this to you. I have been gone and Jonathan is sick this week! Much love....

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  4. What a lovely tribute to you mom... I have a lump in my throat...not at all changed by the word "suck".

    It does suck that you don't have her here to enjoy anymore...

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  5. I'm a complete stranger, and you've brought tears to my eyes. I can't imagine what that feels like. It sounds to me like she was absolutely amazing. And from the sound of it, she has raised a wonderful, kind and loving daughter. Any mom would be so proud. I bet she was. That was absolutely a lovely tribute to her. It sucks. I believe you. I'm sorry your mom isn't here anymore. (((hugs)))

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